State of the Union.
Husband had a melancholy day yesterday. We talked about it over dinner and he said that part of it was our status. Will we pull out of this? What are our odds? We rehashed a few things from therapy. Finally, he tearily asked if I wanted a divorce.
I said no.
Guess I'm still invested to the degree of not wanted to break things off. My own answer confused me because I also have such a strong impulse to flee. I guess when push comes to shove, I'm still in.
8 Comments:
Wow, can I identify with that post. I want to flee, then I don't, but I do...or don't.
And push doesn't come to shove near enough for me, so this choice should be an easy one.
Tex
ata girl... some one once said... if you find yourself going through hell, keep on truckin and you might get out before the devil notices you... so hang in there and work on getting through it... perhaps before you get caught, things will take a turn for the best. Sounds like you both want that deep down.
Hi WryGirl
After reading your blog, it seems like one of the big problems is that your husband is simply a lousy fuck.
I'm not trying to be a jerk-- but if that's true, why not just send him to a professional for a couple of nights? An older woman I know taught me to be a good lover-- and it worked.
If that's really it, wouldn't a little training help? Especially when it seems like both of you are good people?
Life is so complicated sometimes and then other times it boils down to the simplest things. It isn't just the sex, or just the this, or just the that, is it? Far to often I think we say, "If I lose weight" or "if I made more money" or whatever. but those are no answers, those are only solutions. There is a difference. I hope things work out for you I really do. Perhaps talking about it openly will be a good start. If you still feel like staying then stay and make a fight for it. You will never, ever regret having done that, even if it doesn't work out, but especially if it does. :)
I'm with Art, if you don't feel ready to end things then surely part of you still feels there is something there - and that is something to build on ^_^
Is there room to shift your relationship to something less monogamous. My present primary partner and I have survived and thrived in part due to our willingness to play outside the bounds of relationship. I've wholeheartedly supported him to have other lovers. Chosen his clothes, done his hair, helped figure out meeting spaces. I just have some rules. No fluid bonding, no crazy ladies and no drama, please. It's going to be six years in November and he's still present and happy. I'm still present and not living the existence of a wife and trophy. I go out on my own, flirt, have crushes and have had one memorable and much needed six month relationship with another woman. My primary relationship continues to evolve.
Flee for the right reasons ... My bride and I have survived 25 years together and still can't get enough of each other. Communicate openly and go with the flow ...may sound corny but your heart will guide you over time.
Fate ...love it or hate it ...seems to keep helping make decisions .... good luck!
Wow lots of food for thought here. Thanks for the creative thinking and ideas. Hiring an expert is really tempting, but I think my husband would be hurt at the suggestion. I think he'd also be loathe to share me with anyone. Dang. Still, I'm keeping the faith that things can improve. I guess.
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