Late Night.
I'm back to that feeling of dreading the next day. It seems so little actually good happens. I am really really done hoisting this kid around all day. I can guess that this desolate feeling is probably borne of my depression, and wonder if I should increase my antidepressant. Also, I'm spending a lot of time with someone who, essentially, I don't like (husband). I guess I should suck it up and shut up since this is, after all, my choice, to put my son's happiness before my own.
6 Comments:
So sorry, dear. I think you were onto something with the orderliness mode as a means of fighting off the noonday (or midnight) demon. Projects, books, exercise, sleep, etc. Just do the best you can, don't expect every day to be happy, keep yourself occupied, all that jazz. I care, for one, hang in there.
Fortunately (for me), I cannot empathize with you, never having been in such a dark spot. But I certainly sympathize, as your pain and frustration and despair is so evident. Just know that people do care about you, and that as long as you keep questioning, thinking and examining, you always have options, even when it feels like there are none.
When my irritation with the spouse turned upon the child, I knew it was time to go back to the meds doctor. I think you may be right in thinking you might need to up the dose.
I agree with AAG, gotta keep the wall between you and how you feel about Hubbie from impacting your child, otherwise the decision to stay is moot. Feel better sweetie! We love you. ;)
well, it's a natural rhythm, hon... the pendulum swings back and forth, the barometer rises and falls, the roller coaster climbs and plunges.
the only real way to even out those lows would be to even out those highs... and we don't wanna do that.
xo
You guys are the awesomest.
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