What Can Be Done?
What makes someone good or bad in bed? Always Aroused Girl commented here about confidence, and I tend to agree. You've got to be self-confident enough to let go completely, to not feel self-conscious. Also to ask for what you want, not worrying if it sounds weird or stupid. I also wonder though what role experience has. Being with a particular partner can open your eyes, but if you never meet that person?...Then there's attitude. I like someone who not just tolerates but loves, no, relishes the disgusting parts of sex: the noises, the fluids. Someone for whom nothing is wrong or a turn-off, it's just a delicious part of what we do together. How can you teach that?
If you reach this point of life (thirty-four, married) and your partner still doesn't have any of this, what can be done?
4 Comments:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Your honesty is disarming, to say the least. You're not alone in this dilemma, that much is certain. But I'm sure that doesn't make it easier. My sense is that you're doing the best you can in a cruel situation, you're acknowledging what thrills you, what makes you function as a sexual being and a woman. Nothing wrong with that, don't compromise who you are.
experience is important and self-confidence is also, although both of those (like anything else) can become negatives if taken to extremes. to me the "letting-go" issue is the most important at the moment of intimacy, sexual or otherwise. openness, honesty and acceptance begin big parts of that. the more open we are the more we open our emtional gates to another person the more we have empathy with that person, the more we are capable of love. this is true of a fling with a stranger or a long-term relationship with a partner. it is often easier with a stranger, or an affair, because of the lack of baggage assciated with our empathy towards them and they us.
as to how to spark that level of intimacy and empathy in a long-term relationship, i have no idea! if i did i'd have done it a long time ago myself.
I think you already know the answer to your question.
Good Luck,
Pete
I think you know, too --- you find someone who CAN provide you with what you need.
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