• Sunday, January 22, 2006

    Fidelity.

    At the beginning of my marriage I thought that I would never cheat on my husband.

    -ahem.-

    It's still not something I want to embrace, to permit myself to do. Once upon a time there were conversations and efforts to avoid perilous situations. Then I forfeited. I admitted this was a thing in my life, that I needed Another Man. Time passed, and it became less about necessity and more about want. I wanted to be with him. Now I feel more fidelity toward Another Man so that I actively and successfully avoid marital sex. (Another simple component is that I hate it with with husband, but I've already discussed that.)

    What movie was it: "You mean to say that you won't have sex with your wife because you'd be cheating on your girlfriend?"

    Anyway, I know that other opportunities will arise. I've mentioned one in a much earlier post, an Old Friend who's gotten in touch with clearly libidinous intentions. I don't want to cheat, but again, not for the usual reasons. For one, I know that a sexual affair is not the same as a love affair, and the former doesn't appeal to me. Also, it would really hurt Another Man, so I could never tell him. That would be the worst part; I couldn't bear to hide something from AM. This is someone from whom I've hidden nothing of myself. AM knows all my secrets.

    Don't you think there has to be one person in the world who knows all your truths?

    This has nothing to do with integrity or doing the right thing. I wish I were so strong. I have to turn down this proposition. I may tell my husband about the situation so he can help me stay away from this Old Friend. You know, I keep calling him my friend, but when he's written to me, he has little regard for my state of being. Just wants to know if I'm still interested in him. We were fairly good lovers once, but I never got the sense that he loved me as his friend. He really has nothing to offer me except sex.

    I'm just afraid that I'll be so desperately lonely that that will be enough.

    13 Comments:

    At 8:55 PM, Blogger Tommy said...

    Babe, babe, please hang in there. You clearly deserve wonderful, passionate, raw, lustful, complete, wanton adoration! You're delightful.

     
    At 10:39 AM, Blogger WryGirl said...

    Tommy, you're very kind.

     
    At 12:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Theres an old saying (that I just made up): When a man thinks of other girls, he just being a guy, when a woman thinks of other men, her man needs a clout.

    Sorry, smiling at the world makes me think of life better than it probably is. In all seriousness, I wonder if you are vocalizing what most people think at some time in their life, but never try to reconcile. I don't live your circumstances, but but based on mine, I can see how it can be easy to for life to coast and we take for granted that which is constant. (Which reminds me, I need to by my wife some flowers sometime =))

    I dont know if I think my little joke above is true; problems in relationships are rarely delibrate. Truth be told, I don't agree with Tommys' "hang in there", it imples dealing with it; you married him for a reason, so you should be able to find a way to "subtly-hint" to him your needs.

    I had an interesting experience: a year ago, I spent an extended period of time away for work, and after a week my wife and i ended up starting a joint password-protected =)) sex diary/journal. Even after all these years, we both said things that we never have said before... interesting and wow.

    Great blog,
    Best of luck,
    anonymous boy

     
    At 4:17 PM, Blogger ArtfulDodger said...

    wg - always with these tough questions. nothing wrong with a "just for sex" moment or two, Unless and I can't stress this enough, the "just for sex" moment is with someone that isn't good for you. That could open up all kinds of trouble that you do not need, that go well beyond the momentary relief and pleasure. Just be careful. Love ya.

     
    At 7:47 PM, Blogger WryGirl said...

    Thanks guys. This is clearly not going to resolve itself soon...

     
    At 7:47 PM, Blogger WryGirl said...

    Zorro: Helen Keller. That cracked me up. Yes, it's pathetic.

     
    At 12:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I hear you, babe. Loud and clear. I want to be faithful. Someday I hope to be faithful again. I never planned on being unfaithful.

    But there's only so much unenthusiastic sad sex one person can take.

     
    At 8:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I too never wanted to be unfaithful, but when the sex at home is unimaginative and uninspired and you really, really feel that you have done everything that you can do, sometimes opportunities present themselves that must be taken.

    I know this sounds rambling, but I am exactly where you are and find myself with an interesting dilemma. The "other" sex has made the sex at home tolerable only because I know that my needs will be taken care of by someone, just not my husband.

     
    At 10:02 AM, Blogger WryGirl said...

    AAG and Anon: Are we in the minority? I can't believe the statistics that so few women have affairs. Maybe Oprah will discuss in 2015.

     
    At 7:28 AM, Blogger Sherri said...

    geez, I could have written this! Very very well said!

     
    At 9:35 PM, Blogger James Scolari said...

    ach, being married is so tough.

     
    At 7:39 AM, Blogger aDICKt said...

    I'm not quite sure this is the right place to say anything... I mean I'm a flirt and I've become aDICKted to the passion, desire, romance and lust of XXXtra marital affairs as well...

    It seems like you're 100% normal.

     
    At 12:28 PM, Blogger Roland Hulme said...

    The film was "She's the one."

    John Mahoney was married to Jennifer Aniston, but sleeping with Cameron Diaz - who was sleeping with some creepy old guy at the same time.

    Very warped film. Very good insight into the America Irish state of mind. And it was set in New York so it was AWESOME.

    Okay. Failing to contribute anything else of value, I'll sign out.

     

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