Sunday Evening.
Maybe I should just learn that by Sunday night, I'm tired and depressed and lonely.
Tired because I've had multiple days with my son and husband around 24 hours a day.
Depressed because it's the same cycle of parenting debates, marital discussions, and arguments.
Lonely because I'm so unfulfilled by the company I keep.
I saw a (difficult) friend on Saturday. She gave me a hard time for not keeping in better touch. I told her I didn't have much new to tell her. The truth is that she is always critical. I tell her I need to find a job and she says 'You haven't figured that out yet?' That kind of thing. She makes me feel as though I'm an idiot for not immediately fixing what's wrong. So I thought to myself, Ok, why don't I fix what's wrong? What's in my way?
Well let's look at my typical week: all the meal planning, all the grocery shopping, three days of full-day child care, five mornings of cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast, at least five loads of laundry, two therapy sessions, constant discussions with my husband about Where Our Marriage Is, five evenings of getting the boy ready for bed, five evenings of cooking dinner; and trying to fit in my own essential hobbies (reading, music, writing, extra-curricular activities, movies, friends) that help me live my life.
That's what I do. Please to be explaining to my face how to also integrate major changes like finding a job?
No really, I'd like to know.
***
Two highlights this weekend: my toddler son knocking his blocks over and exclaiming 'Holy Crap!' (extra points if you know the internet character whose tagline this is).
and
Lazing around on the blanket and playing music in the park today.
8 Comments:
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Sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment. I know you have no clue who most of us bloggers are, but fact is most of us are going through some shit and it is a little support network, so you should never feel lonely.
Willing to help/chat in any way I can. I hope this week gets a little better.
Lonely and married...
I was married for 13 years. For the first 10 years of that relationship, everything was good. Not perfect of course, but good. Then things started to degrade. We stopped laughing so much. We stopped talking. We didn't have sex much anymore. I was lonely but I started to crave being away. I knew that our relationship wasn't working but I didn't know what to do about it. I tried talking to her and that did have an impact but only for short periods of time.
Then one day when I was on a business trip in Europe, I found myself attracted to someone else. It was someone I worked with. I did nothing about it. Over the next month or two after that trip, I found that this new woman was someone who seemed to understand me. I began to wonder about my marriage.
I asked myself questions. Had I changed? Had my wife changed? I decided that both of us had changed over 13 years and not in the same direction.
After a while, I decided to end my marriage. I did this because I came to realize that we needed different things. At first she didn't understand. Over time she has come to realize that it was probably for the best. My ex-wife and I are now pretty good friends. I'm in another relationhip now but it isn't exactly what I had in mind. Still, I have no regrets.
The moral of this long-winded story? Only you can figure out what is best for you. I am definitely not telling you to leave your husband. I'm not telling you to stay. Both have serious consequences. Being lonely in a marriage isn't right though, regardless of whether you have a job or not.
~RB
HI WG,
Modern life is a grind.
Sometimes I wonder why I have to take a handful of pills to keep me from murdering my co-workers and beating my kids.
But, you know, they go down well with a dirty martini. I have this feeling that you know this already.
Love,
Chuck
Hmmm...has your son been watching Family Guy?
Anon: How do you want me to want you to reply?
Super: You are the sweetest handcuffed disembodied cock I have ever known. Thanks.
Fred: Married with children, actually. Thanks for the good wishes, weirdo.
;)
RB: wow that's a saga. Thanks for sharing. It is hard right now to see that life will get better.
Chuck: Pills? We love pills!
April: Good guess, but no! I'm looking for an internet guy.
I know the Sunday feeling -- but knowing H*R comes out on Mondays keeps me going. Hanging out in the park and playing music sounds like a nice way to kick the Sunday blues too!
What can't we all fix what's wrong?!? Nobody's perfect, (especially Miss Know-it-all) so let yourself off the hook; you already take on loads. I find that when I feel overwhelmed with all the stuff I have to do, I just pick the smallest task that will make me feel like I'm making progress. Say, making a call to a recruiter or inviting a friend over to help me with my CV. One short call, and I feel much better because I know things are starting to roll... No rush, just one small step at a time, when I find time.
And if you still feel like life's getting you down, at least you feel better than Homestar: "Oh! L'il Brudder! I don't know what I'm doing with my life!"
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail109.html
Take care!
Good friends don't scold or beat friends over the head with problems they air or share.
They listen first and foremost, as in really listen
They may ask sensible leading questions
They may offer help, they may discuss.
Help yes, stating the Fucking obvious, NO!
Seems like to solve the problem it might help to jetison said friend, and BTW, tell her that keeping in touch is a two way thing.
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