Head Case

I remember my first kiss, the first time I got drunk, the first time I had sex. I don't remember the first time I gave head.

I remember being 16 years old and practicing at my friend K's house. Our slutty friend P was explaining how to suck cock. The three of us girls sat on K's bed deep-throating carrots, watching each other, as P coached. This was the only reason we were friends with her: information. Once when I went to tour a college, a girl taught me how to drink beer from the bottle. "You know," she said,"like giving a blowjob." I said, "How's that?" She tucked her upper lip over her teeth and drank.

Now that I think about it, the first time couldn't have been with my college boyfriend. I distinctly remember this my freshman year, before I dated him: being at a big party, then going to a guy's room to drink tequila with his friends from another school. One of the visitors and I snuck into a hallway bathroom and I blew him in the dark. He came on my neck and hair, and on the rugby shirt I had borrowed from a friend. I felt cool and naughty.

I remember guys and their penis, but not specifically what it was like to give them head. Early on I thought it was just difficult, but I could do it. I didn't love it. I wanted to be good at it, though (kind of a pathology of mine). There was one guy I dated for a short time; we had sex, he went down on me, but I never gave him a blowjob. When we broke up, it was one of the things I was glad for.

It's so personal, so intimate, I think. Much more so than having sex. It's a lot of hard work, so you have to be really motivated and love it for it to be good. As an expression of intimacy, love, and desire, it isn't something you take on glibly. At least, I don't.

At this point, I do looooooooove to do it, but especially with one particular person. His cock is just the right size for my mouth. I like to tease him with my lips and tongue, then eventually take him deep all the way. It takes his breath away. It amazes him to watch it in the mirror. He likes it when I slide a wet hand between his legs and ass cheeks. When he starts to set the pace, to thrust against me, I back off and reassert my own rhythm, making him wait. I lick him like candy. He caresses my hair. What I love the most is when his fingers gently caress the wet seam between my mouth and his cock. It drives me crazy and I gasp and roll my eyes. I make him last, alternating between fast and slow, hard and soft. Sometimes I use my hand to stroke him faster, with my lips riding the tip of his cock. I go faster. Hair sticks to my face. Everything, my face, my hands, is wet. My eyes tear with the effort of it. Finally he shoots into my mouth and I take it all, swallow it. I let him sit in my mouth, then slowly let him leave, laving him with my tongue as he goes.

I relish him this way, open-mouthed and spent. Astounded by what I've done. There's nothing like it. I'd do it any day of the week.