Sleep Demons

Many months ago I began to lose sleep. We were in a new house. Light and noise were different. Then I stayed awake thinking about someone. The last time we had been together, when we would see each other again, what I wanted him to do, what he had done to me...my mind whirled and I would get hotter and hotter. The best cure was to forfeit and go to another room and get off. There were logistics to think about, plans to lay, and that kept me awake too. And as things progressed emotionally, I lay awake wondering how he felt about me. Would he ever say he loved me? Did I love him? How could I live my life either with or without him? How could I ever give up the amazing sex? On and on my brain went.

I still lose sleep now, but for the opposite reason. I know how we both feel and that we don't want to interrupt our lives to be together exclusively. We're both stressed and anxious, and even more uneasy with the principle of what we're doing (which we've felt from the beginning). Now it is guilt that keeps me awake. When we plan to be together I fret. I still feel the same desire toward him, and abandon myself to him when we're together. But I'm grateful there's an end in sight. I need some sleep.