State of the Union: Baffled.
My husband and I had a date last night. Dropped the boy off with a friend and went out for sushi and used books.
We were on a roofdeck. The sun was shining and the food was good. We had a good three hours to ourselves with no one tugging on our sleeves or interrupting our conversation.
I felt nothing. And why is that? He's a good, caring man, always thinking of how to fix our marriage. A terrific father. But the most I feel for him is warmth, as toward a brother.
Is it our history? Is it the current context? What is wrong with me? Why don't I feel more? What kind of woman doesn't want this kind of man? But I don't, I don't, I don't. I can't figure out if it's valuable to keep asking Why or more useful to just accept the fact as true (trust my intuition?) and try to be honest about it.
I think the latter.
And why am I awake at 5:30 am thinking about this? Can you think of a better time?
***Update***
Got 2 more hours of sleep, but still mumpish and off today. I forgot to mention that I actually told my husband that I didn't feel our date connected us; he was surprised, because he thought it had. I thought about not telling him, to spare his feelings, but the Whole Thing now is to be more honest. Yay me. So that happened.
My three-year old said this morning "Mommy, I'm having a hard time." I said I was too. We're getting in the car and driving north to the City I Love. Maybe a boat ride and some fried clams. We're off!
4 Comments:
5:30 is the best time. I am not a marriage counselor though I play one in blog comments. What you are describing happens to a clot of couples. I have to wonder if it is a matter of differing interests. Do you two have anything in common that you do together? Other than children, is there anything you two do together that is better than doing alone?
HI DPQ,
I can tell you exactly what's wrong, but I'd rather not do it in the blog comments. My wife had the same problem, and I reeled her back.
Send me an e-mail if you want to know. You can get there through my profile page.
I only flirt outrageously, tell women I want to do naughty things to them, and tell bad jokes involving sodomy and the human condition in blog comments.
Love,
Chuck
Summer told me the same thing a few years ago. She loved me but wasn't "in love" with me. She loved me more like a brother or other family member. Things eventually made it the upswing and the feelings returned. Until last night when I blew it again.
Wishing the best for you.
CH
This is normal. A lot of couple go through this. I think over the years, the familiarity seeps in and this is perfectly normal. Were you hyperactive as a kid? A lot of factors can influence our emotions. Try spice things up with your husband. Find something that you can be proud of him that makes him a special person. Sometimes most people dont know what they have until they lost them.
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