Off.

I haven't been posting much, and when I sit down to write, I go a bit blank.

I feel off.

It could be depression, my old pal, slipping a warm arm around my waist and drawing me near again.

It could be loneliness.

Perhaps, most likely of all, it's exhaustion. I visit the therapist on my own once a week, and my husband and I go as a couple once a week. Being in my head, processing, tires me out. There's also the strain of an uncertain future, of wondering if, or rather how, my marriage will end. Can I take the time from being a mom and a domestic goddess to sit and recharge? Ha. What a laugh.

Here's what I'd like. I'd like at least a night away. It would be in the country. I could lie on the couch and not talk to anyone. I could stare at the fire. I could take a midnight swim. I'd like to feel someone else's hands touch me with something like wonder at the opportunity. I'd let my guard down and not worry about what I was or wasn't feeling.

In the morning, nothing but lazy coffee and the paper. Or not even. Just music. Maybe more sleep. Hell, I could stay in bed until noon, just rolling around and snoozing.

It's a tall order, I know.

I'll start with picking up a book right now and escaping into that.