State of the Union: Harumph.
So I'm in bed tonight, stretching, relaxing. The husband just said goodnight and went back downstairs. And I start thinking. Here I am in bed, and he has chosen to go back downstairs to build a house out of Legos. I kid you not.
Well then I start to think would Most People make the same choice? I can imagine, instead, a person lifting the sheet and sliding himself across my body.
But my husband wouldn't do that. Of course he wouldn't. We've got almost 10 years of history between us; the baggage of frustration, anger, grief, and disappointment will trump simple desire every time. In our marriage, at least.
I lay there feeling sad about this circumstance but not judging his decision to be downstairs, nor mine for not asking him to return. Just mourning the state of things, I guess, and the inevitable decline.
Maybe lots of other long-term couples can push the stuff out of their minds and simply connect as sweaty, gorgeous animals. I'd like to think so. That would be hot.
13 Comments:
WRY,
I HOPE IT GETS BETTER.
-DAY
Legos? Sweet! What kind of house? How many pieces? Is there pictures?
I know where you're coming from. We're not to that point yet, but I see that it could happen. More reverse for us, her turning away while I sit and wait and hope. We lie in the same bed and are best friends, but the spark isn't there right now. I don't feel like she wants me like I want her, and while I'm okay with that being a phase, I hope it doesn't last too long. I also feel like pushing the issue wouldn't be right, but maybe I should be aggressive. It's real easy for people to fall into that pattern, and to come out of it and become sweaty animals is a hard transition.
BTW, I hope you don't blame the Legos. I adore Legos.
Sounds familiar . . . sorry, sweetie. With us, it's a laptop, which she can't seem to tear herself away from. Those nights are pretty long, but eventually, you fall asleep, and then get up with fresh hope.
When it gets bad enough, you speak up, argue about it, promises are made to do better, and then there's the gradual slide back to square one again.
That's marriage, isn't it? Lucky us.
XO
Hi WG,
But you've rejected him lots of times!
And hey-- every Lego built into a structure is one that you won't step on in the morning.
Love,
Chuck
Hi WG,
But you've rejected him lots of times!
And hey-- every Lego built into a structure is one that you won't step on in the morning.
Love,
Chuck
agree to some degree w/chuck. after you have heard NO for 30 years ya kinda give up asking.
Oh I agree; we've both created this. He rejects me; I reject him. It's a long history...and here we are.
that silly, unappreciative bastard ...
*shakes head*
Then get th hell out of bed and walk naked downstairs and sit on his lap. If he doesn't leggo his legos then it's a lost cause.
I'm the other way around, I'm ignored in bed, so leave the bedroom to do other things.
I feel for you.
Do you NEVER talk about this? Talk, not argue? I have 8 years with my wife and every 6 months or so we have a discussion about how our sex drives are out of synch...either work or stress or something else puts one of us off and we are less frisky. Early on, we realized that niether of us like being rejected frequently, so we have the potential to spiral pretty badly. low desire -> less sex -> ask and get rejected -> scared to ask ->don't ask -> less sex -> rinse, repeat.
When this starts, on of us usually brings it up in a place when we aren't lying next to each other naked. It at least reaffirms the intimacy of sex, if not the physical.
I guess you just have to brush that stuff aside every once in a while, give yourselves a break and just think about the touching.
It's hard to let hurt feelings and other relationship bagage go, but sometimes you just gotta, even if it's just for an hour of bedroom fun.
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