Weekend So Far
A lot of truthiness around here today. Nothing apocalyptic. I just feel sad and sorry for the state of things and my contribution to them. What happened to all the anger I feel? To the selfish righteousness? I guess this is what happens when you try to deal with each other honestly, really listening to one another. It isn't about emotion, at least for now.
More later.
*update*
It's Sunday morning. I've spent the last hour job-searching on-line. It's an alternately hopeful and bleak exercise. I went to bed in my clothes just out of laziness; I have yet to remove yesterday's mascara. I'd like nothing more than to drink tea, read, and laze around today with no one in my face. The husband and son are due back from breakfast any time, and we have some bbq to go to at noon. I feel in the mood to sit under a tree and contemplate, so going to a party of strangers is not my idea of how to spend the day.
Specifically, I need to think about what is coming, what is meant by our conversation of yesterday. Soon, I think, I'll be asked to make some dramatic choices on behalf of our marriage. It's only what I suspect; it hasn't happened yet. But I think I can see where we're headed, and I don't think I'll be willing to do it, to do as he asks. What kind of person will I be?
Isn't that always the question? What kind of person will I be? What will I be for? Who will I be for?
*update*
Am I the only person who can't wait for the weekend to be over so I don't have to spend all this time with these people? I think most humans look forward to Saturdays and Sundays. I dread them. A three-day weekend, like this one, just about kills me. Something tells me this isn't the way it's supposed to be...
7 Comments:
It seems you feel a bit better about things. Well, maybe feeling better is not quite the correct way to state things. But it seems a little better - at least I hope so for you.
I am devoid of emotion, it is personally liberating. At the moment I wish you had my gift, or curse, but you do not. You think, feel, worry, etc - that is both your beauty and weakness, depending on perspective.
I completely relate to your weekend feelings. You aren't alone honey.
I hate weekends.
'Nuff said.
HI WG,
Dunno what to say.
But you might think about telling the story of your marriage to your child one day, when they're an adult. Part of that might be how before you punched out, how you found a way to purify yourself.
There's more hope in the current situation than you might see-- seems like neither of you is content to blame the other for all the problems that you have.
That's amazingly positive.
Love,
Chuck
I too dread weekends and especially long ones and I even work Saturdays so I usually have only one day of a weekend to deal with.
What a terrible position to be in. I have gone through a significant marriage breakup, albeit sans kids.
If you ever want to chat, let me know.
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