Back In Action.
I know, I know, I promised a big juicy blog bite when I got back to writing. I don't think I can do it.
And I don't mean just now. I mean ever.
I can't tell anymore if this blog is a useful outlet for a side of me that doesn't get stretched and exposed in real life. Maybe writing continues to be important for me to do, as I often don't know what I think until I write it out. Writing in a journal never worked, but the discipline of the blog has kept me writing steadily, if not always thoughtfully, for almost the past year. WryGirl has helped me express myself in real life.
or
Is this blog a detrimental refuge? Do I hide behind my little avatar as a way of not engaging in the real, actual, hardcore world? If I spent the time I dedicate to the internet on real-life efforts, would my life be immeasurably better? What if I confided in my in-the-flesh friends instead of to strangers on the internet (no offense, guys)? I make myself vulnerable here just about everyday; at the start I felt as though I was pulling my skin off my face. Now, however, the real act of courage may be to take it Live and In Person.
Could I integrate these two lives of mine? Am I the whole person yet -- the bawdy, obnoxious, desperately sexual WryGirl and the conscientious, responsible mother, friend, wife? I fear that I would fall back on old habits, settle for less, especially not having the actual people around who could remind me, 'Girl, it's in you. Find it, keep it, it's yours for always.'
I'm such a fucking idiot. I've made such a goddamm mess of my life. How, then, can I trust myself to get myself out of this mess, to start making the right choices?
Thanks, as always, for listening.
4 Comments:
Does it have to be an "either-or" situation? Wouldn't it be better for you if these dual people merged into one Super WryGirl/RLGirl person? Personally I think the conflict comes from those two fighting instead of accepting. I know, I've gone through those moments myself, and then I finally came to understand that to be "real", I had to be myself here in bloggerland, just as much as I am in RL. Although under a different name.
Always here to listen.
Oh honey, I really feel your pain. I think Art is right though. You have to find balance and accept yourself in both lives. Easier said than done, I know all too well.
Hi WG,
I really enjoy the comments of my on-line companions. The truth is that I have 3 girlfriends that I could never have in real life, and when I'm bored, they're pretty much willing to flirt and carry on with me just a little. None of them threatens my marriage, and in fact, one of them really provides a real outlet. One day, I actually hope to meet her in person, if nothing else to buy her lunch and have a chaste kiss on the cheek.
We live in such a constrained real-world. I went through my blog-roll and deleted everyone who was weird and a freak. The remainder that was left were people that I genuinely like-- and that when they're having a bad day, I WANT to find a way to cheer them up. And when I can't have real company, because of work, or bullshit, or whatever, it always seems like one of them's around.
It's actually lonely being a married man-- especially being surrounded mostly by men. I miss female companionship-- especially female companionship that I can play a little bit with sexual innuendo and not get fired.
Dunno WG-- I think sometimes that you're taking it all a bit to seriously, and not using us to meet your needs.
As much as we can be, we're here for you.
We're the best imaginary friends you could ever have.
Love,
Chuck
The eternal question of the blogger--is it hurting or helping? I think we've all asked that, and the answer is different depending on the day of the week.
The way I've tried to look at it is that ultimately, blogging is a tool for ME, and I should use it when I want to. When I need an ear or a vent, it's there, and when I don't, there's real life to deal with.
I really do feel your question about whether you could be this open IRL. As much as I'd like to be, I have yet to find the strength for that, but it's certainly a worthy goal.
People here might miss you if you stopped blogging, but nobody worthwhile would ever begrudge you the choice to take your adventure offline. Just know that you have support from those who've come to care about you, even when you're not here.
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